Phoenix University Grants Student Medical License With Purchase Of “Scrubs: The Complete Series”

Local sources stumbled upon a hot story earlier this week when Phoenix University, a nationwide internet-based university, announced its merger with popular online shopping powerhouse Amazon.com. Phoenix has reportedly begun offering current and incoming students the opportunity to expedite their medical degree process by providing undergraduates a printable, Phoenix-certified ‘ready-to-frame’ license when they purchase the […] Read more

Revised Edition Of “Roots” Contains Twelve Words

Controversy over the removal of “the n-word” from novels like “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” has lead to much debate over the integrity of literature, and whether the editing of its content is justified simply due to the derogatory nature of the word. Library of Congress curator Chuck Tritter told CNN that the re-release of […] Read more

Grammy Award Costs Arcade Fire Majority Of Fan Base

What originally seemed like a positive career development — winning Album of the Year at the 2011 Grammy Awards — has turned out to be the worst thing that could happen for Canadian indie band Arcade Fire. “When we won, I was like, ‘what the hell, this is awesome.’ Then I saw how many followers […] Read more

Greece Riots To Remind World They Were First

Story by Grace Mortensen On February 23, thousands of Greek workers took to the streets in protest. “I’m not really sure what we’re protesting. I just came for the free baklava,” said Anatole Katsopolis, an elderly Greek man with a hairy chest and thick gold chain around his neck. As it turns out, Greek citizens […] Read more

Divorce Rates Lead to All Time High in Home School Dropouts

February 2011 saw the reported divorce rate for first marriages in the United States has hit a historic high of 41%. This has been matched with an increasing trend — kids dropping out of their home schools. The rates of home school truancy have almost doubled in households that have gone through divorce. “Since the […] Read more

Force Of Jim Rome’s ‘Final Burn’ Kills Unsuspecting Athlete

The Padres’ center fielder Cameron Maybin was killed yesterday, after the force of TV and Radio Host Jim Rome’s “Final Burn” caused him to collapse and die on the spot. “Cameron was a great player, and I’m sorry he had to go this way. But when you get on the wrong side of the jungle-king, […] Read more

Local Man Sits Down When He Pees

Last Tuesday, Lincoln native Chet Worthington was reported to have sat down while he urinated at a Village Inn restaurant. Mike Austen, who was in the same bathroom at the time, gave his full account of the story. “We entered the bathroom at about the same time, and only one of the two urinals […] Read more

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March 2011