April 2012

Newt Gingrich in two-person race with student council candidate

Following the suspension of his closest rival’s campaign, Newt Gingrich declared that he is officially “in a two-person race” for Mill Creek Middle School Student Council in Woodstock, Georgia. The beleaguered candidate, whose fund-raising efforts have flagged in the last month, was reportedly forced to ask his sister, Candice, for spending money. Records also indicate […] Read more

Huskers to Institute All Tight End Offense

After the Huskers 9-4 football season in 2011, offensive coordinator Tim Beck announced the offense is getting a revamp. Beck further explained that the team would be undergoing a journey to find the cause of those four losses. Following careful study, which included attaching a camera to quarterback Taylor Martinez’s helmet during practice, the coaches […] Read more

Police Briefs — Week of April 17

Man arrested for belated possession of ironic t-shirt Early friday afternoon Lincoln police arrested a man, 24, crossing the street adjacent to Anderson hall in downtown wearing a humorous, vintage Wal-mart t-shirt. The shirt’s emblem, seemingly cracked and faded by time, was found by officers only to be a ruse by the apparel manufacturer. The […] Read more

Casual relationship goes Facebook

A ‘mutual friend’ of both Steven Johnson and Brittany Banks is confirming that, as of 10:17 pm last night, the couple has taken the next step in their relationship and begun officially dating on Facebook. “Brittany was always telling me this was just a casual fling and Steven, well, we never thought he’d settle down,” […] Read more