Two weeks ago Pope Benedict XVI, frontman for religious organization The Catholic Church, announced his resignation, citing “creative differences” with the popular act. In the wake of this announcement the Pope has unveiled plans to put more focus on his self-titled solo project. Although a number of his lo-fi home-recorded sermons have been floating around […] Read more
President Barack Obama earlier this week vetoed a formal request from his oldest daughter Malia, 14, to go to dinner and a movie with one of her male classmates, instead electing to suspend her privilege of dating indefinitely. The official decision came merely seconds after the question was initially proposed, with the President adopting a […] Read more
We, the Daily Nebraskan editorial staff, love the First Amendment. It allows us to make such outlandish statements as “Nebraska football is back this year” and “ASUN represents the student body.” There is no idea more sacred to journalism than that of free speech, and we strive to protect that right at any cost. But […] Read more
Now, I know you people don’t know who I am, but I just started playing guitar three weeks ago, and these goyim at the coffee shop ask me to play some Boss song, “Born to Run.” Oy. How do you expect me to play “Born to Run”? I’m not the rock legend Bruce Springsteen, you […] Read more
Former Husker safety Daimion Stafford isn’t taking any chances when it comes to his NFL future. He has meticulously researched all the things that have made former Huskers successful in the upcoming player draft: Solid 40 yard dash times, a good work ethic, and the amazing ability to violate the law just before cashing in. […] Read more
When Lincoln resident Mike Dunhill clicked on the link to a video titled “Gangnam Catwoman Style,” he had no idea the direction his life was about to take. After watching the fan-made parody video, Dunhill had concerns. He decided to post a comment reading, “Catwoman dosnt [sic] look that hot.” Within minutes, the comment received […] Read more
Residents of the Cecil Hotel in downtown Los Angeles were only mildly surprised to find out that yet another tourist had met their fate in the alleys of Los Angeles. What has captured the divergent interests of Los Angeles is not that a tourist’s lifespan is similar to that of a fly but that the […] Read more
After years of controversy, the Birmingham Black People have been forced to change their mascot. The AA baseball team, a feeder team for the Atlanta Braves, had the Black People as a mascot for 72 years. There has been considerable pressure on the baseball team to change their mascot for years. It may be obvious […] Read more
Danni Baker knows a thing or two about dogs. She volunteered at her local animal shelter all through high school and spent hours grooming her mother’s prize poodle statue. It was a life which did not leave much time for socialization, but Baker never complained. Now, at 24, her hard work has finally paid off. […] Read more
In what White House tour guides are describing as an “increasingly common occurrence,” last week Vice President Joe Biden could be seen casually conversing with tourists, advising them what and what not to touch during their visit. “I was just taking out the garbage here, and I noticed y’all were poking around,” said the Vice […] Read more
