Remember Michael Jordan? Now, remember that guy that was taller than him? His name was Shaq and even now, he is the coolest dude. Look at how tall he is! Like, basically tree height. Remember “The Giving Tree”? He was taller than that tree, and he gives even more. Dude is maybe 40 and he […] Read more
Rules! I hate being told what to do and what to think. The band members of Nirvana wouldn’t listen to my dad’s stupid laws about playing “Battlefield” after 11. Paula from biochem. She is the worst! Her jeans barely fit her right. I don’t even really want to invite her to formal. Being 14 […] Read more
The last few weeks have been very hard for Matt Anderson. “It’s just been a wild ride, I hated to see it end so soon,” Anderson said. “I really felt like I was living life to the fullest.” Anderson, a junior finance major at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, got swept up by baseball fever in […] Read more
Freshman Husker’s player Kevin Gladney is many things. He’s a wide receiver, a promising NFL prospect and an all-around good student, but after dropping a pass during scrimmage yesterday, nothing else mattered to Gladney. “I just don’t get how I could do that to my teammates,” Gladney said. “I’m such an idiot. No wonder my […] Read more
Easy Classes to Pass this Spring Semester Greek Mythology—Looking at Greek life of sororities and fraternities on campus and the myths about those awesome ragers you never seem to be invited to. CALC—Stands for “Cars in America Looking Cool.” Discussions about how awesome that new hot rod that just came out looks, then taking it […] Read more
Officials at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade have confirmed rumors that this year’s edition of the famous parade will feature anatomically correct balloons. “We think that America as a nation has moved to a place where it is comfortable with Snoopy’s ‘boy-parts’ and even prefers an accurate version,” said parade director John Thomas. “Rest assured, […] Read more
The road to an increased minimum wage in Nebraska was a long one but on November 5th, voters overwhelmingly supported a measure to raise wages to $9 an hour. Supporters hope this will boost Nebraska’s low-wage workers and lead to a stronger state economy. Dennis Ellison denies that it’s a matter of principle but a […] Read more
Once again failing to adequately discern the subtle, nonverbal messages from others, area man Mark Philson reportedly left a party last Friday night having destroyed any remnant of a laidback, tension free social gathering due to his inability to read social cues past a third grade level. “Hey who wants to bet that these two […] Read more
Help, is anyone there? I’ve been stuck in here for three hours. It’s really dark in here. I’m afraid of the dark. If I get too scared I might have an asthma attack, and my inhaler is in my dorm room. My friends thought it would be fun if I tried to see how far […] Read more
Little Arnold Barrows, born at 3 a.m. today, arrived on this planet weighing five pounds, six pounds of that coming from his manliness. Barrows, with only a few minutes to his name, became the manliest baby around when he somehow was able to witness a bare, sweet rack right in front of him. “Man, that […] Read more
