January 2016


CIA: ISIS “terrified” of white guys posing with guns on Facebook

According to a leaked CIA internal memo, there’s only one thing that the middle-eastern terrorist group known as ISIS fears more than Allah’s disapproval– lower-middle-class, AM-radio-listening, outspokenly patriotic white men who pose with weapons in their Facebook photos. The memo detailed how ISIS is, as one senior analyst described, “shaken to their core” by what […] Read more


Area man cleared of charges due to condition known as “being a complete moron”

It was announced Saturday that all pending criminal charges against local 22-year-old Kevin Schaefer, of Beatrice, would be dropped following a compelling defense. The jury found Schaefer innocent of all charges after overwhelming evidence and witness testimony concluded that Schaefer is, in fact, one of the stupidest people on the planet. “Honestly, it wasn’t an […] Read more