BY DANIEL LINDSAY | THE DAILYER
Today, Apple rocked everyone’s world with the announcement of the iPhone 6: a new, slimmer device to spend precious moments of the one life you’ve been given on social media apps and bird-themed games. In anticipation of its release, the Dailyer has compiled a list of the essential hot new accessories for your brand new little bundle of joy.
1. Ghost Radar
Featuring proprietary technology, the Apple Ghost Radar attachment is perfect for tracking the repetitive movement patterns of restless spirits trapped in the unrelenting prison of undeath in your home or workplace.
2. A Vaporizer
Turn that e-cig into an iCig! Get the big ‘ol plumes of fruit-smelling water vapor you need to fend off those nicotine cravings. Perfect for use in high school classrooms and cool music shows. Each hit takes only a quarter of the phone’s battery!
3. Dong-Facing Camera
This one speaks for itself. Show your significant other/crush/classmates/teacher how much you care.
4. Pre-Weight Loss Jeans
Show how much slimmer/better your iPhone 6 is with a pair of iPhone 5-sized fat jeans.
5. A Wooden Board
A completely unremarkable 2×4 wooden board is the perfect complement to your Apple phone, ideal for building a treehouse or impressing girls with a single powerful karate chop.
6. A Hat
Put a little hat on your iPhone. Draw a face on it. Talk to it, even.
7. Tiny Lips You Can Practice Kissing On
Worried your kissing skills have got a little rusty from disuse? Calm those pre-date jitters by practicing on a tiny pair of lips attachable directly to your iPhone. WARNING: Not for use for any weird non-kissin’ stuff.
8. An Android Phone
Everyone gets lonely without a friend.