Residents of Abel Hall are familiar with the dining hall’s weekly macaroni bar, which draws long lines of students from all over campus every Tuesday. Most describe the weekly noodle dinner as “really just alright” and “not really worth the wait, but ya’ know, what can you do.”
However, in a recent poll conducted by Abel officials, the dining hall’s macaroni bar was unanimously voted as the best macaroni bar in Abel.
“Yeah, I mean, there was only one option on the punch card, of course I voted for the Abel macaroni bar,” said proud voter Alex Cane. “Honestly I don’t think this whole poll means much, and I mean, the macaroni bar is alright but it’s not great or anything.”
While Cane attempted to play it off cool and apolitical, at press time sources confirmed that he had cast five votes toward for Abel macaroni bar.
Some voters were less than enthusiastic about the poll, such as Abel resident Stacy Maman.
“I was held against my will to vote for this,” Maman said, shaking her head following the announcement of the poll’s results. “They literally wouldn’t let me leave until I voted.”
Those who were unable to attend macaroni night were still included in the mandatory vote, as to ensure their voices were heard.
“Yeah, my RA knocked on my door at three in the goddamn morning to find out which macaroni bar was my favorite at Abel and that was my fourth time fucking voting,” said Abel resident Alotta Bush, waving her “Abel Macaroni bar number one macaroni bar in Abel” flag. “I don’t even like pasta.”