According to multiverse theory, there’s at least one universe where candles don’t exist

Get ready to be a mind-blown loser, because according to multiverse theory, there’s at least one – possibly even more than one – universe where candles literally don’t exist.

Imagine walking into a Bath and Body Works and seeing their wide selection of soaps, body scrubs and even hand sanitizers, but not a single candle in sight.

This hypothetical, tired, sad universe would never know the joy of smelling a freshly lit 3-wick mahogany teakwood candle or understand the rich history of Yankee Candle and their bestselling Autumn in the Park™ large classic jar candle.

Religion, as we know it in our universe, would not be the same without candles either. Assuming other universes also have a Jesus Christ or similar figure, imagine waking up on Christmas morning without the scent of a “Christmas Sugar Cookie” candle hanging in the air. Would life even be worth living at that point?

Hanukkah would almost definitely have to be canceled too. A menorah without candles is simply not a menorah.

And get this, self-absorbed heathen atheists and pagans of the world, a universe without candles would be detrimental to you too. Think of a birthday cake without candles on top of it, or a Halloween without candles to put inside carved pumpkins. How would you pagans and mystics even hold a seance without a single candle around?

All I’m saying is we need to start caring about candles. We need to start respecting candle makers and their pivotal role in our society. We need to end the stigma around candles because a universe without candles is certainly not one anyone wants to think about living in.