All posts by: Daniel Gertner

Trump’s reversal of Obama-era birth control mandate meets resistance from Russian nesting doll lobby

The Trump administration recently rolled back Obama-era federal regulations that required employers to cover birth control in their health insurance plans, sources reported. The move, which President Trump called a win for religious freedom, met significant resistance from the highly influential Russian nesting doll lobby. Working for a Better Future from the Inside and Inside […] Read more

Mechanic finds it inappropriate to discuss repairs so soon after car crash, offers prayers

Calling it abominable to politicize your car’s suffering, your local mechanic told you it was inappropriate to discuss repairs so soon after your car crash. “It hasn’t even been 24 hours since the crash, and you want to talk repairs?” questioned your mechanic. “What your car needs right now are our thoughts and prayers. Maybe […] Read more

Blow to the Democrats: Mitch McConnell’s spine still on back order

Sources reported Wednesday that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s spine was still on back order, offering a major blow to the Democrats in their fight against President Trump’s agenda. A spokesperson from McConnell’s office spoke to reporters early Thursday morning to offer an explanation and an apology for the incident. “Despite our best efforts, we […] Read more

MLB farm system announces switch to all-organic players

In a shocking statement issued late Thursday evening, Major League Baseball commissioner Rob Manfred announced the league’s implementation of an all-organic player policy in its minor league system. “We are doing away with our outdated approach of genetically modified, growth hormone-injected athletes,” said Manfred. “We are aware of the implications of our decision, and we […] Read more