All posts by: Daniel Gertner

Blow to the Democrats: Mitch McConnell’s spine still on back order

Sources reported Wednesday that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s spine was still on back order, offering a major blow to the Democrats in their fight against President Trump’s agenda. A spokesperson from McConnell’s office spoke to reporters early Thursday morning to offer an explanation and an apology for the incident. “Despite our best efforts, we […] Read more

MLB farm system announces switch to all-organic players

In a shocking statement issued late Thursday evening, Major League Baseball commissioner Rob Manfred announced the league’s implementation of an all-organic player policy in its minor league system. “We are doing away with our outdated approach of genetically modified, growth hormone-injected athletes,” said Manfred. “We are aware of the implications of our decision, and we […] Read more