Nebraska governor Pete Ricketts is excited to catch up with Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos at an annual head-waxing convention, the bald headed politician told reporters Monday. “I’ve been waiting all year to hang out with Jeff at this year’s Wax-a-thon,” Ricketts noted. “Last year, his stories about suppressing his most vulnerable employees really cracked me […] Read more
The University of Nebraska Lincoln class MUNM287, better known as History of Rock, attracts passionate musicians from all types of majors across campus. “I like both business and ag a lot, but I’d say that music is my true passion,” freshman agribusiness major Jack Edwards told reporters Monday. “I love to jam with my friends […] Read more
University of Nebraska-Lincoln locker rooms will be returned to their normal levels of microbial activity in time for the Fall 2020 semester, director of Campus Recreation Jeremy Bell told reporters Tuesday. “Following the current COVID-19 pandemic, UNL locker rooms will resume being covered in the proper amount of filth that our students have come to […] Read more
The beloved UNL Dairy Store, located in the Food Industry Complex on the University of Nebraska-Lincoln’s East Campus, will soon be debuting a new flavor of its popular homespun ice cream: Swiss Mushroom Runza. “We’re proud to announce that a new flavor of our classic handmade ice cream will soon be added to the Dairy […] Read more
Former University of Nebraska-Lincoln student and sophomore supply chain management and analytics major Ashlee Chappel was immediately transformed into a high-powered Chief Executive Officer of a major Fortune 500 company following the creation of her LinkedIn profile, sources reported Tuesday. DailyER reporters were notified of Chappel’s transformation via an immediate upsurge in the stock price […] Read more
According to an astonishing report released Thursday, University of Nebraska-Lincoln senior Kacy Alarcon’s grade point average peaked while the twenty-two year old economics major was in high school. “All of our research indicates a sharp decline in [Alarcon’s] GPA beginning in her senior year,” reported Miguel Cooper, senior researcher and chief author of the study. […] Read more
According to sources, the 49-year-old sociology professor and Ph.D. Frank Barnes reminded his students not to have their existential crises during class time. “Now, I know this is a bit tough for you all to hear, but I need for our classroom sessions to be free of questioning the broader implications of today’s current events […] Read more
According to a broad formal report released Thursday, there is absolutely no way this is going to be on the final. (Right?) The sweeping study discovered that there is exactly a zero percent chance that this material will appear on the class’ final, a finding that was discovered with a 0.0 percent margin of error […] Read more
Residents and commuters of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln campus will soon be noticing a change in parking enforcement practices. Effective immediately, Parking and Transit Services will begin replacing its traditional parking citations with tickets to Iowa football games; attendance required. “We expect this will be a considerable incentive to abide by the parking regulations on […] Read more
Watch out Neihardt Residential Center, you aren’t the only haunted building on campus giving ghost tours this year! Chuck O’Connor, Dean of the Hixson-Lied College of Fine and Performing Arts, announced Friday that Halloween ghost tours would soon be given at Richards Hall to showcase the ghosts of art majors’ hopes and dreams. “These tours are […] Read more
