“Don’t you know smoking’s bad for you? Don’t you know what smoking’s doing to your lungs? You’re gonna get cancer and die, you idiot?” You could say I’ve heard it all. When I’m not getting patronized by pseudo-surgeon generals on the effects of smoking, people will try to tell me why I smoke. “To be […] Read more
The following is a paid advertisement for Gumbo Bumbo Gummy Bear-Os. Are you sick and tired of CORPORATIONS making it hard for you to eat MURDERED ANIMALS? US TOO. That’s why we here at Gumbo Bumbo Gummy Bear-Os raise our food in perfectly humane OPEN ranges – BEFORE we kill them, that is! Tyson keeps all […] Read more
Nerf is trying everything to appeal to today’s kids. It has released toy guns with battery-powered functionality, toy guns that shoot foam balls and, now, toy guns that shoot 7.62-millimeter high-powered bullets. While kids have been itching at the bit to try Nerf’s new product, parents are skeptical of its safety. “Well, I just don’t […] Read more
As the only content-driven journalistic publication on campus, we here at The DailyER are tasked with providing you, the students, quality news stories every month. How is this accomplished, you ask? We have strict Codes of Conduct keeping writers in line every issue, all the time, always. In order to pay tribute to those Conducting Codes, […] Read more
Where was everybody?
Hova is coming to Lincoln — Lincoln — freaking Lincoln — and I have never been so excited in my whole life. Jay-Z is the modern day Shakespeare, except he’s good as hell and I don’t have to read his work. Yeah, take a hint, William; no one wants to read iambic pentameter when we’ve got Young Hov spittin’ […] Read more
Everyone agrees that the best part of Thanksgiving is the hours of small talk with relatives, but with so much to talk about, it can be hard to choose a topic. Here are a few suggestions for every person and situation you’ll encounter.
Kitchens across America rely on power, water and loving families in order to function. Loving families of the actively oppressed Smeebler dishwashing dishwasher gnomes, that is. Stolen from their Smeebler homeland of Dishenraque in the 1850s by inventor Joel Houghton, dishwasher gnomes were forced to live and work inside of wooden boxes and spray dishes […] Read more
When Tanner Clarkson III bought a pair of New Balance’s $179.99 “Made in the US 999” sneakers, a feeling of pride ran through his mind. As he walked out of Foot Locker with his collar popped and knee-high tube socks on fleek, Clarkson reached for his Oakley’s dangling from his neck by a neoprene strap. […] Read more
Runza Rex makes his film debut in “The Rexorcist,” a true, stomach-quenching account of Regan MacNeil becoming exactly what she ate. After incessantly glugging down Runza meals, Burg-bad, meat demon of the fourth realm and obvious metaphor for pro veganism, takes control of the hapless schoolgirl. Throughout most of the film, MacNeil’s Burg-bad persona plays […] Read more