Nebraska Cornhuskers running back Maurice Washington is officially being charged with the possession of child pornography and distributing revenge porn in the state of California. The University of Nebraska-Lincoln Athletic Department first learned that Washington was under investigation last September. “Washing-who? I’ve never heard that name before in my life,” said the befuddled UNL Director of Athletics […] Read more
The race for Nebraska’s Senate has never been longer. Candidates have been working for months, some even years, in preparation for the onslaught 2018 has in store for them. This year Nebraska’s Senate race is going to span over the 430 miles from east to west. “We want the fittest candidate in charge of these […] Read more
Seventeen years ago today, 2,996 people died horrible, horrible deaths. Talk about a rotten day. Man, I don’t care what anyone else says; 9/11 sucked. Ever since 9/11, I always thought to myself, “Man, what a bad day.” Say whatchu want, I didn’t like what happened at all. Who just goes out and hijacks planes? […] Read more
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I don’t need sunlight, guys. I’ve got my laptop, okay? I’ve got my keyboard, mouse, mic, camera and the Internet. I’m set. While you’re all out getting your plane tickets and passports, I’m surfing the World Wide Web. Coasting from coast to coast for free meeting all sorts of cool and neat folks. I bet […] Read more
Did you graduate in the fall and refuse to live with your Hitler parents and their “Don’t — DO NOT — smoke weed in our goddamn house, you little shit or I’ll kill you, Nick!” tyrannical policies? Yes? Then pay us a visit to Lakeside Ridge Estates Villa Village Apartment Place Heights Complex Lofts by Broadmoor! […] Read more
Giraldo Bismarck, 35-year-old largely oversized Lincoln native, grew up in the cold, hardened public schooling system — a system run by bullies, stuck-up parents and bitch-ass teachers. Such a hostile environment became a feeding frenzy for those who sought it necessary to beat down on the chubby youngster. Until the fourth grade, Bismarck found himself being […] Read more
So, uhh, I’ve been laying in bed with my “Mr. Sean Hannity blow-up conservabuddy” for the past three and a half hours, and I’ve gotta say, I’m unimpressed. The instructions clearly say to lather the mouth area with a generous amount of “Foxy Lad’s butter gush super lube” (which needless to say, was not included […] Read more
Hippies be damned: I don’t like them, their trees or their hugging. I hate the outside. I like buildings and I like being inside of them. Millions of years ago, dinosaurs ruled the world. They were big and couldn’t fit inside of caves. You know what could? Mammals. Mammals could. You know what happened to […] Read more
“Don’t you know smoking’s bad for you? Don’t you know what smoking’s doing to your lungs? You’re gonna get cancer and die, you idiot?” You could say I’ve heard it all. When I’m not getting patronized by pseudo-surgeon generals on the effects of smoking, people will try to tell me why I smoke. “To be […] Read more
