Now that college football season is underway, fans everywhere are showing their allegiance to their favorite teams. However, some troubling new information has cast doubt on the loyalty of a well-known brand. The controversy began when die-hard Nebraska Cornhuskers fan Carson Burns was visiting his brother at Michigan State University and saw an advertisement on […] Read more
When University of Nebraska-Lincoln freshman Hannah Peterson filed a “Fix-It Ticket” to report the broken cable TV in her Abel Residence Hall dorm room, she expected a visit from a member of the hall’s maintenance staff. She never could have imagined that that staff member would be professional stand-up comedian Larry the Cable Guy. Within […] Read more
Since the start of the school year, pedestrians and drivers alike have complained about congestion on 16th street caused by the removal of traffic lights. Now, the City of Lincoln has found a solution. Early Monday morning, drivers discovered that traffic lights had returned to all of 16th street’s major intersections, but with an unexpected […] Read more
A DAILYER EXCLUSIVE REPORT
When students at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln eat at the various dining halls located across campus, they probably think they’re supporting a vibrant food service economy. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Following a months-long investigation, The DailyER has obtained decades of financial records revealing that all five dining halls are fully owned and operated by UNL. This stunning discovery has shattered the common perception among students that each dining hall is its own distinct brand.
“This is really a shock to me,” said sophomore microbiology major Sarah Henson upon reading the report. “I always thought I had choices as a consumer, but I sure was wrong.”
“Last year, I was unsatisfied with the quality of Harper’s pasta, so I took my business to Selleck, thinking I could vote with my dollars,” said junior broadcasting major Wyatt Huffman. “Everything I know is a lie.”
Furthermore, records indicate that the monopolization of campus food options even extends to the various residence hall C-Stores, as well as “Grab-N-Go” choices such as Husker Heroes and Husker Hoagies.
“Now that you mention it, I always did have my suspicions about Husker Heroes and Husker Hoagies,” Henson admitted. “But I assumed the ‘Husker’ thing was just a coincidence.”
UNL refused to comment on the report, or on the allegations that the university has been using the monopoly to systematically increase dining prices for years.
“This is just another example of a failure of capitalism,” explained UNL economics professor Dr. Helen Merritt. “By forcing out competition, the university has not only artificially inflated prices, but also limited innovation in the campus dining sector. We all love Mini Pizza Mondays, but with a competing dining hall, we could have had Mini Taco Tuesdays too!”
“That’s why I’m calling on the United States Justice Department to intervene and break up this dining giant immediately,” she added.
In the wake of these revelations, students have found themselves questioning which of their other on-campus choices could be just an illusion.
“Does this mean that when I take classes with two different professors, my tuition money still goes to the same place?” wondered sophomore English major Timothy Rios. “This changes everything.”
With so many questions now swirling about collusion on campus, The DailyER would like to assure its readers that it remains committed to journalistic independence by being entirely unprofitable.
At press time, The DailyER has been looking into a bombshell allegation that claims the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and University of Nebraska-Omaha could be operating under the same umbrella.
Lincoln, Nebraska, is known for its extensive network of bicycle trails, which provide cyclists an easy and fun way to traverse the city. But people who prefer driving cars may have been feeling left out — until now. City traffic engineer Ron Canfield recently announced a $25 million project that will add car lanes to […] Read more
In an attempt to appeal to a younger audience, the University of Nebraska-Lincoln has announced that its Johnny Carson School of Theatre and Film will be replaced by the Jay Leno School of Theatre and Film in the upcoming semester. Henry Bayer, director of the Carson School, said it was time for the school to […] Read more
During the 2016 presidential campaign, Donald Trump frequently criticized Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email server while secretary of state. But now, Trump’s family has found themselves in a server scandal of their own. In a letter to Congress Tuesday, FBI director James Comey revealed he had opened an investigation into Trump’s 10-year-old son, […] Read more
After years of tireless service to higher education, Hank Bounds is finally getting the respect he deserves. Bounds, the president of the University of Nebraska system, was honored Sunday when Pinnacle Bank Arena rededicated its out-of-bounds lines as the “out-of-Hank-Bounds” lines. “This is a huge moment for my career,” Bounds said, who became president in […] Read more
Following the Nebraska men’s basketball team’s loss to Wisconsin, Daily Nebraskan sports editor Brent Nielsen performed a familiar ritual: opening up a massive, 10-gigabyte folder on his computer of photographs depicting a frustrated Tim Miles. After scrolling through hundreds of high-resolution photos of the Husker head coach, Nielsen settled on one of an agitated Miles […] Read more
Campus officials at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln are on high alert this week after reports of a water bottle refilling station at the Nebraska Union becoming self-aware and eliminating multiple students in recent days. The refilling station, located outside the ASUN student government office, is said to have targeted students with high-powered jets of water […] Read more