Top three genie wishes wasted by area doofus
If you had three wishes for a genie, what would you wish for? For this man, his three wishes were completely wasted. Take a look at what he asked for:
Nation’s moochers issue increasing demands for a bite of that
Last week, Jerald Hortense, head of the Moochers Union, held a press conference in front of more than a thousand people in Washington, D.C., to outline his demands for a bite of that. “Come on, we’re here, we forgot our wallet and we’re hungry. Let us get a bite of that!” Hortense exclaimed to the […] Read more
Dumbass stung to death by bees probably after their honey
Last week, honey fiend Thomas Grigsby was stung to death by a tidal wave of bees after attempting what was most likely a grand honey caper. Grigsby did not account for the veritable wave of bees who stung him again and again in defense of their golden ambrosia, leaving the 27-year-old man’s body almost unidentifiable. […] Read more
How many of these inside jokes do you get?
Have you heard any of these inside jokes? Have one we missed? Let us know in the comments! You can’t eat those! Dogs aren’t allowed to wear shoes Cough cough sneeze sneeze am I right? I have no friends Back that crocodile out the door Sneezy wheezy bo beezy That face Cheryll makes when she’s […] Read more
Local strongman can bench press 350 pounds, that man is me
Last week local strongman Ray Kydney wowed everyone at the University Campus Rec Center when he bench pressed a whopping 350 pounds, an amount comparable to the weight hoisted upon Atlas’ shoulders. “Who is this Adonis, this modern day Hercules?” the crowd must have thought as he racked on three sets of 100-pound weights and […] Read more
Liberal teen was hoping for more conflict over Christmas dinner
Like most liberal teens, local sophomore Michael Abelson was very excited to spend Christmas dinner arguing with his conservative-leaning family about controversial issues like the Black Lives Matter movement, Syrian refugees and how many members of his family want to elect a real-life fascist into office. However, Abelson was surprised and disappointed to find his […] Read more
Freshman makes hilarious joke about capitol building
Earlier this week, UNL freshman Gus Ramirez made big moves to enter the same tier of comedians as Ralphie May, Jeff Dunham and Frank Caliendo with his hilarious riff on the capitol building. “I’d been racking my brain for months trying to come up with the perfect joke,” Ramirez said in an exclusive interview with DailyER […] Read more
Abel macaroni bar voted best macaroni bar in Abel
Residents of Abel Hall are familiar with the dining hall’s weekly macaroni bar, which draws long lines of students from all over campus every Tuesday. Most describe the weekly noodle dinner as “really just alright” and “not really worth the wait, but ya’ know, what can you do.” However, in a recent poll conducted by […] Read more
Bus driver straight up eats raw potato
Tensions were high today on the StarTran 25 bus to Vine when local bus driver Bertha Hendrickson ate an entire raw potato as though it were no big deal. “It was terrifying,” said political science major Jeremy Taylor. “She actually sat there and ate an entire raw potato, without attempting to wash it or brush […] Read more
