The University of Nebraska-Lincoln took steps to create a more inclusive campus on Monday as officials introduced meal options that would appeal to students with non-omnivorous diets. “My department has put extensive research into determining what kinds of diets UNL students are using and how to best bring those to campus,” UNL Nutritional Science Department […] Read more
Nebraska’s snow accumulation stated that it “could use a good plowing” according to sources standing outside during this month’s snowfall. The frigid, ivory-colored natural phenomenon said it dared city officials to “bring its shovels, trucks, the whole works,” as a result of it having been, “such a dirty, dirty mess” in the city’s streets. “I […] Read more
The Nebraska Football Hype Train, which was scheduled to run every Saturday for the next three months, officially derailed this weekend. The miles-long locomotive lost steam and ceased to chug along after repeated, brutal derailments that left its occupants questioning why they had bought seats in the first place. “Man, what am I supposed to […] Read more
A local elephant named Stompy Joe was bewildered on Saturday after an entire coffeehouse somehow managed to overlook his obvious presence. “I feel like such an outsider sometimes,” the gargantuan said as he inconspicuously used his trunk to sip drinks at a neighboring table. “This is almost as bad as the time I got invited […] Read more
Relax, clowns are just people: It’s not cool to judge people by how they express themselves. Clowns are often gauged as threatening or sketchy, but they’re just trying to break through the mold and create their own niche in society. Do you get freaked out when people wear makeup in public? No? Then why let […] Read more
UNL’s Glenn Korff School of Music instituted sweeping changes into its curriculum on Tuesday morning after announcing they will focus exclusively on composing jingles. “Uh, what?” said confused violinist Jenny Durango as her instrument was replaced with a keyboard, a microphone and a digital catalog of all commercial sounds dating back to 1980. School administrator Daniel Harp […] Read more
In a stunning display of unrivaled thespian-ship, members of a local asthma support group took to the stage on Friday and delivered their original one-act Inhale, Exhale, an examination into catching one’s breath. Like oxygen to lungs, the performance left the audience wanting more. “It was so exciting!” said audience member Daisy Rain. “I didn’t realize breathing […] Read more
We, here at The DailyER, believe that politicians simply don’t understand the needs and desires of today’s voters. You see it all the time: candidates who promise the world on a silver platter, only to make like a directionally challenged mailman and fail to deliver. As a result, we are officially announcing our candidacy for […] Read more
If you’ve ever rented before, you know the deal: your grubby landlord is as low-maintenance as his properties. His breath smells like late fees and his demeanor is as slouched as one of your living room walls. You’ve reminded him repeatedly of the unstable foundation and constant parade of roaches, and simply want him to […] Read more
We live in an era of liability, and I expect everyone to inform me without me having to read instructions, take any personal responsibility or use any deductive reasoning of my own. Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual, but damn it, why not? The University of Nebraska-Lincoln recently forced a smoking ban upon the […] Read more
