Bake Sale Finalizes Merger with Rival Lemonade Stand

photo illustration by Kyle Brown

Last Wednesday marked a significant moment in elementary school economic history when the bi-weekly bake sale by the Roger L. Townes elementary school dance team finalized a merger with a heated competitor. The bake sale made an agreement with a lemonade stand that popped up bi-weekly across the street.

The history between the two snack stands goes back as far as 2010 when all of the children were in just 3rd grade. The team’s bake sale set up shop in the main sidewalk just after dismissal of the school day. Bi-weekly, the stand racked in as much as 20 dollars in their one hour of business.

A month after the first brownie was sold, a lemonade stand made up of a rag-tag group of 3rd graders who lived in the neighborhood decided to set up shop across the street. After sensing the need to quench thirst after a cookie or a batch of puppy chow, the stand’s ringleader, “Little” Timmy Robertson, decided to sell beverages just across the street at competitive prices. The stand soon began stealing business away from the popular bake sale after such stunts as claiming the desserts were infested with cooties or chemicals sure to do devastating biochemical harm.

It was history from that point forward: the bake sale and the lemonade stand used various guerrilla tactics against one another to steal business. Both shops saw months of black and red in their fiscal reports, and stable business was a thing of the past.

Last Wednesday, though, an agreement was made, and “Little” Timmy’s lemonade stand has merged with the 5th grade baked good conglomerate dance team bake sale.

“We here at the P.S. 143 dance team bake sale believe this is the best move for improved sales,” Suzy “Q” Quillman, the dance team captain, told the DailyER. “We’ve thought about adding fruit punch and lemonade to the menu for a while now, and this will ensure business will not go across the street.”

The finalized merger with surely be a capstone in home economic history.

  • Dewey Ryks

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  • Gertrudis Khalife

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