It’s no secret that Bob Costas had a case of pink eye last week. He has been the host of NBC’s prime time Olympic coverage for more than 20 years, and despite a case of pink eye, he continued on with the broadcast last week.
It was evident that something was wrong with his eye. After being tainted by Russian tap water, his left eye became infected and very red. He had to resort to wearing glasses during that period.
Unfortunately for Bob Costas, the infection spread to his right eye late last week. Matt Lauer stepped in to take Costas’ place after he had grossed out the prime time audience for the first several broadcasts.
The legendary sportscaster has since been quarantined to prevent spreading his deadly conjunctivitis. Reports claim that after the pink eye spread to his right eye, it continued spreading to the rest of his face and soon after, the rest of his torso.
“I think I’m dying,” Costas said from his quarantine zone.
Doctors are not allowed in his quarantine zone. Conjunctivitis expert, Dr. Robert Paulling, said that this case is unprecedented and that “he wouldn’t risk going in there if he got a Nobel prize or something for whatever was discovered.”
From the safety of outside the quarantine zone, Dr. Paulling diagnosed Costas with a terminal form of conjunctivitis that he is naming Bob Costavitis.
“He’s dead in a week,” Dr. Paulling said of the feeble Costas. “He might not even last the night, honestly. It’s like a pink jaundice. That kills you. Painfully.”
All anyone can really hope is that the suffering of Costas will be over soon. His moans and cries are becoming too much for Dr. Paulling. The doctor said it is becoming hard to watch the poor sportscaster suffer, but he must do so in the name of science.
“The world needs to be prepared for Bob Costavitis. Otherwise, it could just be the end of us all,” a grave Dr. Paulling said staring off into the sun.