Campus jocks confirm new president’s a nerd, giving first address from locker

Mike Bounds has yet to take over his official duties as UNL’s newest President but the campus’s jocks and buff bodies have already weighed in their opinions.

“Dude’s a nerd,” declared Eric Fuller, Junior strong man/accounting major.

“Total dweeb,” added Dan Rodriguez, local tough.

The new President, who brings with him years of experience working his way through the Mississippi educational system, has been unable to impress the campuses’ rabble of students that are total hunks.

Even entering the student locker room covered in dozen of sweat bands and never dropping below a light jog has done little to diminish the student’s impression that the new President is more comfortable pushing pencils than pushing large men around.

A small minority of athletes recently announced plans to give President Bounds the rare atomic-wedgie, a move that has been met with strict condemnation by human and nerd activists. A more conservative proposal that would force him to deliver all campus addresses from the inside of a locker was met with unanimous praise.

At this point it seems that little can be done to boost Bounds opnion with student-athletes although a proposal that the incoming President do “like a thousand push-ups” was met with faint support.

(Editor’s note: this number was later increased to “like a million push-ups”)

“I’ve openly expressed my worries about how Mississippi’s education compares to the rest of the nation. I’ll admit that Bounds saved the state millions of dollars but I’m still not sure if he’s the right fit for Nebraska” said Jeff Williams before adding “he’s also a geek.”