Campus

Freshman’s lighter-than-air MacBook still floating above campus

An ongoing two-week effort to retrieve University of Nebraska-Lincoln freshman Collin Yoder’s MacBook has proven unsuccessful so far. The 19-year-old grabbed Apple’s latest model out of his backpack to show a group of friends, who subsequently clamored and reached to no avail as it’s lighter-than-air design allowed it to ascend into the atmosphere. “I’m a […] Read more

Abel Hall C-Store adds gas pumps

In an effort to increase profitability and drive up revenue, Director of University Housing Sue Gildersleeve has announced plans to put four self-service gas pumps in the hallway outside of the Abel Hall C-Store. “This revolutionary idea will finally make student housing profitable,” Gildersleeve said. “We will finally have a way to make some money […] Read more

Fired Philosophy Professor: “My job theoretically still exists”

While stubbornly seated in his now-empty office, recently terminated professor of philosophy Gerald Brewster repeatedly remarked that this was all, “foolish and nonsensical,” and that his job, “theoretically still exists.” “Logically, it’s not possible for me to be fired,” Brewster said of the letter officially terminating his employment. “Clearly nothing exists outside of the human […] Read more

Enacting vertical budget cuts, UNL to demolish western half of Oldfather Hall

Uncertainty surrounding the University of Nebraska-Lincoln’s impending budget cuts was somewhat put to rest early yesterday morning when the office of the chancellor announced one step in its plan to meet the state’s budget problems. In June, UNL plans to destroy the western half of Oldfather Hall, one of the most notable vertical landmarks on […] Read more