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Juicy Juice Introduces New Line of “Bad Choicy Choice” Adult Beverages

Building on the popularity of its children’s drink Juicy Juice, Nestlé announced plans earlier this week to unveil a new line of adult beverages called Bad Choicy Choice. Photo illustration by Bea Huff. The drinks, whose flavors include ‘Unprotected Sex,’ ‘Drunk Tattoo,’ and ‘Tackling An Off-Duty Police Officer In The Bar Parking Lot,’ will feature […] Read more

Local Bacteria Has Awkward Morning-After With Self

Erwinia amylovora, a bacterial pest currently blighting your neighbor’s apple tree, experienced a painfully awkward morning-after with a perfect copy of itself. Though typically a smooth-swimming individual, Erwinia found itself thrown off-kilter by the unexplained presence of another identical self. “Well, I came to this morning and there was this new copy sitting right there,” […] Read more

Citing Threat To Republican Principles, French Government To Ban Nicolas Sarkozy In Public Places

Nicolas Sarkozy, elected president of France in May 2007, is facing what may be the most difficult political hurdle in a long career. In light of the increased risk of extremist violence and wide association with the oppression of women, a parliamentary task force has issued a long-expected finding: ban the president in public places. […] Read more

Chinese Citizens Finally Free to Google Hot Political Issues, Porn

In a controversial move following the much-publicized hacking of several Gmail accounts, Google has removed all censorship from its Chinese search engine. In a press conference, Google’s CEO Eric Schmidt stated, “We can no longer countenance the gross repression of information under the Chinese government. No one fucks with Google.” Support for Google’s move has […] Read more

Susan G Cole | Interview

Why would Susan Cole put herself though this? Why tolerate the hostility, anger, and the perverted questions? Above: Susan G. Cole Photo illustration by Courtesy Photo. What could possibly cause her to want to debate Ron Jeremy, the self-styled “most famous porn star in the world,” especially on the subject he has made his living […] Read more

Satire is Easy!

Joe Garden is currently the features editor of The Onion, a satirical weekly newspaper labeled by The New Yorker as “arguably the most popular humor periodical in world history.” Garden is also the voice behind two of The Onion’s most popular columnists, Jackie Harvey and Jim Anchower. Garden began reporting for The Onion in 1993. […] Read more