Yesterday evening, a pedestrian reportedly took fucking forever to cross the street. Sources report that the pedestrian had no respect for any of the motorists selflessly waiting at the intersection of 14th and “O” Street during rush hour, and select motorists took extreme offense. “He really was just being an asshole for the sake of […] Read more
After nearly a month of meaninglessness, UNL senior Ryan Bonatree, has regained sentience as his final semester at the university commences. Three and a half weeks of dive bars, Halo 4, and those Christmas tree Little Debbie cakes have taken a major toll on the senior: he hasn’t had one conscious thought since he handed […] Read more
With the fall semester coming to an end, students can look forward to a new option for their spring schedules. Blink 182 will be offered as a new course at University of Nebraska-Lincoln, and students will be able to count the class as part of the ACE 7 curriculum. The class, which is more advanced […] Read more
Students, faculty, and Lincoln citizens met at a townhall meeting this weekend to discuss the recent increase in mischievous deeds surrounding the Lincoln Downtown area. For Rod White, director of the UNL Campus Police, the recent spike in nefarious activity is an opportune time for his staff to make a name for itself by quelling […] Read more
In a twist of events, the Great Ballentini, a local magician, picked a card for one of his illusory card games. The magic man was alone earlier in the day and decided to practice his tricks, observing that he’d “never had this type of experience before.” According to Ballentini, who usually is seen performing at […] Read more
Bachelors have been known for some foul behavior behind closed doors. One local bachelor, however, went beyond last week’s eating of the leftover frozen pizza stored between two couch cushions. Tyler Johansson, a UNL graduate student, ran out of toilet paper on Monday and resorted to the cardboard toilet paper roll to clean his rear […] Read more
UNL staff are reporting receiving an email inviting them to bring their “sickest licks” to the UNL Chancellor’s office for “a chance of a lifetime.” “It’s gonna be really extreme,” read the email, which had as an attachment an image of a skull Chancellor Perlman had drawn, with the words “Mother of Perl” written on […] Read more
In a completely indefensible and abhorrent act, we at The DailyER decided that instead of giving you any attempt at satire, we’d instead give you exactly what you want: lesbian sex. It is very difficult, as you might imagine, for us to actually give you “lesbian sex” to you per se, but we are here […] Read more
South of the Nebraska City Union, the bushes start to wiggle. A face pops out and looks around cautiously. In one fluid move, David Turnot emerges and starts walking. He’s late for biology class. Turnot, a junior film studies major, is currently being raised by Husker cats, the wild cats that live on campus. “They […] Read more
After 158 years of intense, widespread academic contrast, epistemologists have irrevocably agreed upon a single universal truth: crosswalks signs on UNL campus possess no meaning whatsoever. Dr. Tania Fullam, a Professor of Epistemology and Meaning at Stanford University, has proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that traffic indicators are severed from all meaning, both […] Read more
