Politics

Spooky: Donald Trump names “Monster Mash” as the new national anthem

In the nearly 10 months of his presidency, Donald Trump has done some scary things on many non-Halloween days. However, his newest controversy might be the scariest and strangest of all. At 9:34 this morning, Trump made an announcement saying that effective immediately, the national anthem of the United States will no longer be “The Star-Spangled […] Read more

Trump’s reversal of Obama-era birth control mandate meets resistance from Russian nesting doll lobby

The Trump administration recently rolled back Obama-era federal regulations that required employers to cover birth control in their health insurance plans, sources reported. The move, which President Trump called a win for religious freedom, met significant resistance from the highly influential Russian nesting doll lobby. Working for a Better Future from the Inside and Inside […] Read more

Mechanic finds it inappropriate to discuss repairs so soon after car crash, offers prayers

Calling it abominable to politicize your car’s suffering, your local mechanic told you it was inappropriate to discuss repairs so soon after your car crash. “It hasn’t even been 24 hours since the crash, and you want to talk repairs?” questioned your mechanic. “What your car needs right now are our thoughts and prayers. Maybe […] Read more

Blow to the Democrats: Mitch McConnell’s spine still on back order

Sources reported Wednesday that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s spine was still on back order, offering a major blow to the Democrats in their fight against President Trump’s agenda. A spokesperson from McConnell’s office spoke to reporters early Thursday morning to offer an explanation and an apology for the incident. “Despite our best efforts, we […] Read more

President Trump thankful he got his swastika tattoo removed 25 years ago

As racial tensions have continued to pressure his presidential administration, Donald Trump has gotten himself into a complex controversy that most anyone with common sense could have avoided. After not denouncing white supremacists after the Charlottesville riot and half-heartedly condoning their actions and then retracting that two days later, our commander-in-chief has been cast as a Nazi […] Read more