World

Guy In Mom’s Basement Can Fix Eastern Conflicts, He Tells Computer Screen

As the violent revolutions rage on in Egypt, Yemen and Tunisia, interested parties have been debating solutions to soothe the unrest. While international organizations find themselves short-handed in devising such plans, there seems to be a sliver of hope in the form of a stocky, white man, residing comfortably in his mother’s Lincoln basement. “The […] Read more

Founder Of “Popular Belief” Tired Of Being Contradicted

Matthew Pickett, author of several volumes of the universally acclaimed series of reference books entitled “Popular Belief”, levied several complaints in this week’s press conference concerning the public outcry to illegitamize the theories presented throughout his body of work. The wealth of information offered in these volumes outlines issues regarding everything from “how many pounds […] Read more

Lutheran Church Built Somewhere Important In Middle East, No One Gets Upset

This week, the construction of the Middle East’s very first Evangelical Lutheran Church/daycare center was finally complete. Above: A welcome erection. Photo illustration by Dylan Bliss. “We’re still looking for someone to play the keyboard in the praise band, but things are really starting to shape up over here,” says Senior Pastor Hank Petersen. Upon […] Read more