Celtics Trade Garnett’s Family To Thunder

The Boston Celtics traded Kevin Garnett’s immediate family to the Oklahoma City Thunder yesterday in a blockbuster deal that included Kevin Durant’s mother, grandmother and niece, plus Paul Pierce’s younger mistress.

“It is our belief that Garnett’s family was really becoming a hindurance to the team. He even told coach Rivers one time that his mind wasn’t in a practice because his child was sick,” Celtics General Manager Danny Ainge said.

“We need our players giving their full attention to the basketball court and not something stupid like a family.”

Kevin Garnett’s wife will reportedly become the wife of Thunder star Kevin Durant, who lost his mother and grandmother, among others, in the trade.

Thunder General Manager Sam Presti hoped that a home life would make his star player “less anxious.”

“Really, he just needs to know that he can get laid when he gets home. I think once that happens, he’ll become the star player we know he is capable of,” Presti said.

When asked about the loss of his younger mistress, Pierce said that if it helps make the team better, he guesses he’s “cool with it.”