Citing “those terrible creatures that haunt me in my sleep,” University of Nebraska-Lincoln Chancellor Ronnie Green has refused to leave his office for the last week and a half.
Sandra Armstrong, a longtime office assistant to the chancellor, said that this problem was “unexpected, to say the least.”
“Harvey never made us put up with this bullshit,” she said. “He just stayed in his office to polish his skulls, not to hide from the cartoon spider window cling.”
Although everyone that The DailyER interviewed described the decorations as “cartoonish” and “not scary in the slightest,” Green still refuses to budge.
“Those things scare the daylights out of me,” Green said from behind his closed and locked office door. “I miss the days of pumpkins, now all we have is scary ghosts and skeletons.”
Green went on to say that “the profane icons” needed to be removed from the office, or he would shut down school operations.
“Listen, this is an institution of higher learning, not a haunted house,” Green said. “If that fake cobweb isn’t out of my office by morning, I’m calling the police.”
Armstrong and the rest of the staff were not sure how serious Green was being, stating that he is prone to “streaks of strange and inexplicable behavior.” Green is also known among his peers as the most weak willed of them.
“Old Ronnie never really had any stomach for any of that ‘spooky’ stuff,” said Dan Jones, Green’s high school classmate. “You could scare him just by looking at him the wrong way.”
Green’s behavior is even baffling some of his best professors. Dr. Edward Bosel-Harden, a high-ranking professor in the psychology department, said that his behavior is “inconsistent with any other high-ranking university official.” Another psychology professor, Dr. Mary Voss, said that Green has “some deep-rooted psychosis.”
At press time, Chancellor Green still has a chair wedged under his door handle and is refusing to eat, drink or sleep.