Clown Campus police reported a gang of clown bullies stuffed a student, Bookworm the Clown, into a really tiny locker between classes. Located at the corner of 14th street and Bozo blvd., in Lincoln, Clown College has recently seen an increase in silly, ridiculous bullying since the semester began. Bookworm, known for his crazy scientist wig and comically sized giant glasses, is only the latest victim in an increasingly hysterical situation.
“I make molecular models out of balloons and tell science jokes, what’s so bad about that?” Bookworm said.
Local college bullies Puncho the Clown, Chain Gang the Clown, and their boss, Fun-Time Larry are known to hang around the Clown Campus quad, constantly pulling pranks on their weaker, lamer peers. In addition to their miniature locker prank, which can cram up to 20 dweeby clowns into a six inch tall locker, common techniques include the infinite wedgie, during which the underwear stretches endlessly.
“I understand what they’re going through,” said Professor Chuckles, a former bully victim who holds a doctorate in juggling.
“But, to a certain extent, clowns like Sadsacks the Emo Clown and Bookworm are kind of asking for it, I mean, Sadsacks has a frown painted on his face literally at all times,” he said.
Cubey the Football Clown, a frequent bully and all-star college athlete, doesn’t even show up to class most of the time because he is busy coming up with new ways to torment his fellow clown students.
“Tomorrow, I’m going to replace Bookworm’s baking soda with baby powder, so when he tries his volcano trick for birthday party class, the whole thing’s a dud,” Cubey said.
“I’ve got something even better planned for that stringbean, Greenthumb the Gardening Clown.”