Daily Nebraskan Calls For Crane To Step Down

Last Tuesday a crane slipped from its drilling holes and almost crashed into the Robert E. Knoll Residential Center, a move that the Daily Nebraskan Editorial Board found completely unacceptable.

“It is high time for this crane to step aside and let another take its place,” a staff editorial read. “We understand that the crane is trying to make the best out of a difficult situation, but almost falling on a building is unacceptable, no matter how experienced and distinguished the crane may be.”

The DN Editorial went on to list the many other failures of the crane, including its inability to stay in the holes that were drilled specifically for it and lying to workers to make them believe that the crane could handle such duties.

“We at the DN do not understand why this crane would put so many people in harm’s way when it obviously knew it wasn’t up for the task at hand,” the editorial continued.

“Is there anything scarier than a crane that’s willing to lie in order to keep its job? How many people will have to almost be injured for this crane to understand the consequences of its actions? Please crane, it’s about time you stepped down.”

As of press time the crane has rejected calls for its resignation and stated it is “as good a crane as a crane could ever be.”

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