Daimion Stafford to Prep for NFL Draft by Punching Cop

Former Husker safety Daimion Stafford isn’t taking any chances when it comes to his NFL future. He has meticulously researched all the things that have made former Huskers successful in the upcoming player draft: Solid 40 yard dash times, a good work ethic, and the amazing ability to violate the law just before cashing in.

Stafford appears to be modeling himself after former Husker corner Alfonzo Dennard, who threw away millions of dollars and slipped to the 7th round of the draft after assaulting a police officer on O Street.

“Alfonzo has always been an inspiration to me,” said the soft-spoken Stafford. “He taught me some of the intricacies of playing D-back, how to act when coach Bo [Pelini] gets in your face, and how to really get the attention of all the scouts about ten days before the draft.”

Stafford continues. “‘What you really want to do,’ Alfonzo told me, ‘is turn around and sock him in the jaw.’ He said that would get you on the news and everything. He also said that, though he didn’t get a chance to try it, this would be a good chance to show off my lateral speed by busting out of the cop’s arms and sprinting away.”

The Lincoln police department is well aware of Stafford’s plan, as it has been used by several Huskers in recent years to raise their draft profile.

Jim Peschong, Lincoln Chief of police, explains, “Dennard was the first one in a while to take the direct approach,” he said. “A coupla years ago Suh decided to raise his profile by getting hammered and running his car into some stuff. It mighta been an orphanage.

“Lawrence Phillips was the most memorable, of course. Assaulting your girlfriend right before the national championship game is the best way to get the focus completely on you,” Peschong concluded.

For his part, Stafford is just excited to be mentioned alongside some of these Husker greats.

“It’s an honor to have represented this fine University, and I look forward to always carrying the Husker flag,” he said.

Stafford concluded by speculating that his criminal record will result in being drafted in the first round by the Cincinnati Bengals.