The restaurant was packed on what seemed to be a normal night at Lou’s Diner. Families celebrated birthdays and anniversaries. Laughter and revelry could be heard throughout the establishment. Nobody had any idea of the tragedy that was about to occur.
In what witnesses describe as “horrific” and “like 9/11 but probably way worse,” a wave of subpar alternative folk music washed over the diner, decimating its unsuspecting patrons and staff. Officials picking through the rubble afterwards were able to trace the carnage to one source: the Mumford and Sons Pandora radio station.
It is unknown at this time who turned the radio to this station. “I just don’t understand what kind of monster would do something like this to another human being,” survivor Charles Fitzgerald said with a haunted look in his eyes. “It’s monstrous. Inhuman. Like, seriously? Mumford and Sons?”
Official speculation on the perpetrators ranges anywhere from international terrorists to local Folk Supremacy groups.
“First, I heard a few innocuous acoustic guitar chords, and I barely paid any attention. I didn’t think anything of it,” said Susan Griggs, a mother who had been dining there with her three children. “But my heart sank when I heard a sound no mother wants to hear: a mandolin. Even before the obnoxious, overwrought vocal harmonies came in, I knew it was all over.”
“I’ll never forget it as long as I live. The screaming. Oh God, the screaming,” said Griggs, shaking uncontrollably. At press time, there were at least 4 confirmed dead and an estimated 30 missing.