Due to popular demand, East Campus students will be invited to participate in the first annual “Bring Your Kid to School Day” on the second Tuesday of next month. This will no doubt be a well-attended event with more than half of Agriculture students having kids, mostly all parenting them with other Agriculture students. 

Some special resources already available on campus for Ag students with kids are daycare, free posters of shirtless Mr. Tumnus from The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, and a discounted Old McDonald’s in the East Union.

Multiple activities will be taking place during “Bring Your Kid to School Day” including a judged showmanship of kids, a free lunch (including tin cans, cardboard, shoelaces, and weeds), and a bonfire fueled by the kids’ poop (s’mores will be provided). 

Agriculture students will also have the opportunity to show their kids around the campus–on a leash, of course. The newly located UNL Dairy Store will even take 1% off orders of kids’ and their owners. Kids might even be allowed to enjoy the cheesy products of their mothers’ milk! 

According to event coordinator Becky Mutton, “It’s very impressive to see how college students nowadays are already raising kids. I didn’t have my first kid until I was well into my thirties!” 

“It’s no big deal. This is my third kid,” said Junior agribusiness major Sylvia Hoove. She added, “My first two have passed, but they each got purple ribbons at the county fair in their prime!” 

Many students like Sylvia have begun to groom their kids for the event with intentions to make their fellow students feel like they haven’t done enough–that their kids are not and never will be good enough.