ESPN Declares “Linsanity” Trademark Bid “Lintensely Linsulting”

Jeremy Lin, the New York Knicks point guard whose meteoric rise has gripped the nation, filed to take control of the term that has encapsulated his sudden stardom: “Linsanity.”

ESPN, whose commentators use the phrase remarkably often in their flagship SportsCenter broadcast, was quick to respond.

“We have received a cease and desist letter from Jeremy Lin’s attorneys instructing us to stop using ‘Linsanity’ on air,” the statement read in part. “We will do so pending a legal challenge.”

“That being said, this is a day that will go down in Linfamy,” the statement continued. “[ESPN] will use its crack legal team to Linvalidate Mr. Lin’s trademark claim on the basis that it is already widely used in the public sphere. He did not create the tag, and as such should not benefit from its trademark. To grant the application would be a Linfringement of this network’s right to harness a common public expression… and Linterferes with our ability to spew tired self-referential crap on loop for eight hours.”

SportsCenter contributor Chris Broussard, a former NBA player himself, was more blunt when interviewed on ESPN radio this morning.

He suggested the trademark bid is “likely connected to his Linability to achieve an erection or get Lintimate with a woman who doesn’t need to be Linflated first.” Broussard went on to note that Lin “must have been Linebreated when he decided to file this patent.”

Lin has not publicly commented on his application, though most analysts believe he will receive hefty royalty fees if successful, even if for only a short time. But John Skipper, the president of ESPN, Inc., told anyone who would listen in a Bristol, Conneticut bar that his network need not worry.

“That bastard’s survival Linstincts have obviously failed him, because we’ll blacklist him from all our coverage and put him back in the ivy-league gutter he used to Linhabit,” Skipper was heard slurring to a local alley cat behind the bar. “And then he can go Linner… die. Yeah.”