Following an “intense” four-hour interview process, the cast of ESPN’s “College Football Live” program was eager to report that Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban’s balls are “absolutely delicious in every way.”

Host Rece Davis, himself an Alabama alumni, was reported to have spent the most “private time” with Saban.

“Let me tell you, I’ve never tasted anything quite as tender or succulent as Coach Saban’s testicles,” Davis said. “Even just the sight and smell of them was enough to set [fellow “CFB” live panelist Erik] Kuelias into a frenzy. They had to take him out of the room.”

Fellow panelist Kirk Herbstreit agreed.

“I’ve always been an Ohio State man, and I thought I would never suck on anything quite as flavorful as Coach Jim Tressel’s moist bits,” said Herbstreit. “But five minutes with Coach Saban was enough to convince me that the combination of sweet but subtle sweat that dripped into my mouth made this guy the real deal.”

Davis, however, reported that Saban’s balls had more of a “mesquite, smokey barbeque-like flavor.”

“Nothing against Les Miles, whose balls I thoroughly enjoyed,” Davis continued, “but it’s easy to see why the king of the SEC and the country right now is Alabama. I have to imagine that delicious flavor is a huge factor in their fantastic recruiting classes.”

“It’s no secret,” said Davis, “that any coach in the SEC has tastier balls than the coaches of the Pac-12 or ACC. That’s just the state of college football right now and it does no one any favors to deny the wide array of flavors and new experiences that can come from dangling some SEC giblets in your mouth for a few hours.”

At press time, the cast of “College Football Live” reported that the balls of Ohio State coach Urban Meyer were “disappointing.”

Added Herbstreit, “the sadness and tears that come from neglecting family and health just doesn’t taste as good as I had dreamed.”