Excuse me, but I have a question by Last-Minute Try-hard

Hey teacher. Ma’am, excuse me. Yes, I have a question. I know we’ve only got two minutes left before class ends, and I know that every single person in this room has mentally clocked out, but…I just need to ask one thing.

Well, maybe one thing. You see, my entire life revolves around this class. More specifically, my existence relies on the completion and perfect grade of this new assignment that you gave us to finish for next week. Nothing else matters; my job, my love life, my hobbies, and even my parents take a back seat in comparison to this new project.

So, in essence, I’m either going to ask you one broad question that takes a total of seven minutes to explain, or I am going to ask a series of small, irritatingly-arbitrary questions that take up the same amount of time. I have to know why we’re doing this assignment and  I also have to ask questions with answers that you provided merely two microseconds ago.

So, where does this assignment stand in terms of human morality and social conformities? Also, I just want to make sure: Is the assignment due Friday? Wait, you said Friday? So you mean Friday?

By the time that I have finished questioning you, all my classmates and even you will hate my guts. Rest assured, I will not show one hint of speeding up my questioning or feeling guilty for acting like a try-hard near the end of class. In fact, my complete stubbornness and air of self-importance will anger everyone even more.

Yet, I will continue onward, driven by the knowledge that I will not even listen to half the words that you say. Even if my scattered brain retains a fraction of what you told me, I will not take advantage of any of the info and ignore all wisdom as I just do whatever the hell I want. Or I will email you in another moment of last-minute scrambling.

So as I leave the classroom unfazed and as you leave with annoyance, let it be known that my irritating little spout of try-harding will be for naught.

Oh, and one more question, the assignment was due Friday, right?