Fraternity Sees Face of Tom Osborne in Vomit Stain

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Amidst a collection of red solo cups and beer cans left behind from a “serious rager,” Zach Nigel and Matt Stiller, members of a UNL fraternity, made a shocking discovery. Stiller told us the story of the discovery.

“We were just hanging out and fresh meat Nigel goes, ‘Tell me that doesn’t look like His Highness Tom Osborne,’ and he’s pointing at some vomit stain.

“Someone else wanders over and is all like, ‘Dude, there’s even the bags under his eyes and everything. That’s definitely Tom Osborne.’ Then he crashed on the couch.”

The vomit, which appears as a normal puddle of regurgitation to passersby, indeed hails a strange resemblance to Tom Osborne, according to the members of Alpha Xi Alpha.

When asked when the discovery was made, or how the picturesque puke came to be, it seemed there wasn’t a definite answer.

“I found it this morning after the seniors made me clean up all this shit from last night,” Nigel explained. “Thank God I did, otherwise I wouldn’t have found this masterpiece.”

According to sources, members of Delta Beta sorority were most likely the artists of Nigel’s findings.

“I think that chick Brittany was the one who threw up right here,” said Stiller. “She was so hot, but she was too sloppy to handle. No one really wanted to bone her. But shit, dude, if she can puke Tom Osborne’s face, there might be some hope for her.”

Stiller and Nigel also seemed to disagree on the projected reaction of Osborne’s portrait.

“I don’t know if I should clean it up or charge people to come see it. Do you think Tom would enjoy seeing something like this?” Nigel asks, tweeting a picture of the vomit.

“I doubt it, dude,” Stiller replied. “He’s too busy living it up in retirement.”