Gambling addiction hotline bets $20 you won’t actually stop

A group dedicated to helping you kick your gambling addiction called your bluff and wagered $20 that you’re likely not stopping anytime soon, sources say.

The for-profit telecom group Bet Ending Therapy Services (BETS) stated that while you’ve shown an interest in fiscal responsibility, there are 2 to 1 odds that you’ll be back in Council Bluffs to throw down at a blackjack table by at least next week.

“Look, kid, this is the third time you’ve called,” said BETS supervisor Mario Hedging. “It’s good that you’re trying to stop throwing your money away, but if you really think this’ll be the last call you’ll place to BETS, why not put your money where your mouth is?”

Counselor Mary Parlay said that while your decision to bet your newly-acquired sedan on a high-stakes game of roulette last month “was not in your best interest”, she could offer sound, reasonable options for the situation.

“The way I see it, you have two choices,” Parlay elaborated. “You can either do the boring thing and cut your losses and slowly better your financial situation, or you can wager your willpower with a pinch of luck and a little gusto. I would advise the first option, but hey, at the same time, what difference will a lousy $20 make?”

Office Bookie Byron Chalk announced to the entire call center that your return to gambling was “in the bag” while sounds of dollar bills shuffling around and employees loudly calling for “side action” could be heard in the background.

“We’re counting on you, sport. We know it hasn’t worked out well for you in the past, but you sound pretty lucky today!” Chalk exclaimed. “C’mon, just give her the old college try. I bet this’ll be the last time you hear from us.”