Haunted house actually just slumlord’s rental unit

A house with broken windows, creaky doors and squatters that angrily wield power tools would generally be considered haunted by most.

This past week, tenants and neighbors were surprised when it was discovered that this was not the case.

A Near South home mistaken for a haunted house was revealed this past week to be a poorly maintained rental unit owned by Lincoln slumlord Keith Brown when he stopped by his property for his yearly visit.

“Sure, I don’t spend much on the house,” Brown admitted. “But my house is not haunted. To say that is an insult to my reputable company.”

At press time, Brown’s rental company– OnlyChoice Realty– had an aggregate of one and a half stars on a landlord-rating website.

His tenants said the house deserved the reputation it had garnered on its block.

“Some terribly maintained fixtures are pretty common in places rented out by slumlords,” resident John Harris said. “But the guy in the basement who chases you around with a chainsaw every time you want to grab something out of the beer fridge could be confusing if you weren’t used to it.”

Harris’ roommate Paul Wolfe confirmed the haunted house-like aspects of their living situation.

“The ceiling’s got a big hole in it that screeching banshees can find their way in through,” Wolfe said. “Also, there’s only one light on the entire second story and it only works like 15 percent of the time. No outlets for lamps either.”

“Yeah, we probably should have caught that when we toured,” Harris added.

The two don’t have many problems with the squalor they live in at this time of year. They make rent every September and October, which Wolfe said is much too high for a house with a crumbling foundation, by selling tours of their house.

“We make the best with what we’ve ended up with,” he said.
Previous tenants still claim the house is haunted, citing a disappearing security deposit when they got the hell out of there.