High school junior caught using fake NCard

The University of Nebraska-Lincoln Police Department scored “a significant victory for campus law and order” this weekend with the arrest of Tyler Stevens, a 16-year-old high school sophomore in possession of a fake NCard.

The investigation is ongoing, but initial reports from UNLPD indicated that Stevens previously used his fake NCard to access student services that included free newspapers, admission to multiple University Program Council events and a crushing amount of student debt, despite never enrolling at UNL.

Stevens’ counterfeit NCard was a well-produced fake, but Subway Sandwich Artist Megan Brown noticed subtle mistakes on the front of the card when Stevens attempted to purchase a footlong Italian sub at the Nebraska Union Subway.

“In addition to the birthdate of February 31, 1961 on the NCard, Ms. Brown noticed that the student photo did not match Mr. Stevens at all,” Officer Nick Gomez said. “It turns out that the photo was actually of the Fonz from Happy Days, a clear giveaway that the card was a fake.”

Counterfeit NCards have recently taken a huge leap forward in quality from the marker-and-cardboard versions seen in previous years. University officials have expressed concern that the newer, high-quality fakes could potentially fool dining hall staff, allowing high school students whose parents already cook dinner for them an opportunity to eat large quantities of carb-heavy institutional food.

Stevens’ attorney Gloria Lewis denies that high school students would use fake NCards to access the dining halls, arguing that Stevens and others are simply trying to better their educational resources.

“My client and many other high school students simply want to access academic services unavailable at their public high schools,” Lewis said. “We are truly abandoning quality high school education by denying these students access to the UPC spring concert, student section football tickets and the ability to keep a running tab at Auntie Anne’s.”

Stevens declined to comment on the pending charges and was seen slipping an NCard with a picture of Jerry Seinfeld into his wallet outside Oldfather Hall.