How to navigate this frozen hell we once called home

1.     Wear nine jackets. If you don’t have nine jackets, remember that other students must surrender their own to you if bested in a contest of skill.

2.     Dig deep, deep beneath the surface — where it’s still warm.

3.     Coat skin in animal fat.

4.     Spend four days and nights outdoors to become one with the cold. Allow shivering, weak student you once were to fade away as you embrace your new frigid, inhuman nature.

5.     Dig secret tunnel directly to class. Check with the city’s zoning laws and be careful not to collapse others’ secret tunnels.

6.     Clothe yourself in coat of Dailyers. Dailyer good. Dailyer warmth, truth, life.

7.     If lost, moss always grows on the North side of the geed.

8.     Huddle in bed until spring.

9.     Don your fur cloak and venture boldly into the icy wilds, brave wanderer.