Huskers Replace Defense with 10-Foot Fence

In a last-ditch effort to keep the opposing offenses from scoring, Huskers head coach Bo Pelini announced on Monday that another tactic will be used in place of a traditional defense. Pelini said that a 15-foot fence will be constructed to take the place of the defense.

Photo Illustration by Dylan Bliss

“Well, as you can see from our first five games, our defense isn’t quite on their game,” Pelini said at the weekly Monday press conference. “Our solution is an actual fence. We will set it up at midfield when we are on defense, and we will take it back to the sidelines when we’re on offense. Simple as that.”

Pelini went on to say that that fence has a better chance of stopping the opponents from scoring than the current defense. This surely is one solution to the problems exposed in the first few games.

“I’d rather we take our chances with them climbing that thing than face our defense,” Pelini continued. “If I feel our defense is ready to play, I’ll sub the fence out for eleven guys. Simple as that. I just wish there was a similar strategy available for the offense.”