By Kermit the Frog

“It’s not that easy being green.
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves,
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold,
Or… wait, who am I kidding here?

Try this again.

It’s not that difficult to be green.
Getting to spend each day in your SUV
Toting bags from local-organic grocery chains,
Making sure your commitment to Earth can be seen
From space without needing a bloody telescope.

It’s kind of sad how easy green is,
Being annoyingly pushy with your renewable things.
But people tend to pass you over ’cause you
Refuse to even shower (citing wasting water).

And you shotgun twelve beers,
Toss the cans on your lawn for the raccoons to chew on,
But can’t pay $15 for “REALLY FUCKING EXPENSIVE” recycling services
While you spout about redwood trees.

But green’s the color of Spring,
And green can be cool if you smoke it,
And green can pay your stupid recycling bill.
And green can be pretentious, or inflated
Like Al Gore’s ego, or flat like my weirdly shaped head… right?

When green is all there is to be,
It could make you wonder why we even bother
To kid ourselves that we care about the earth.
I pretend to be green and do just fine.
I’m obnoxious and want you to feel bad about yourself,
And I think it’s what I want to be.”