Last Friday, representatives for famous novelist and known recluse, J.D. Salinger, released a press statement on behalf of the author’s estate that Salinger will no longer allow his works to “shape the minds” of younger generations. Following the death of the widely-beloved author, studios and publishers wishing to adapt Salinger’s works were denied access by the estate adhering to the deceased author’s will.
Salinger, perhaps best known for his novel “The Catcher in the Rye,” a story about a young man’s struggle with alienation, detailed the parameters that his legacy would have shortly before his death early last year.
“He wanted to be remembered for his work, not others’. We constantly get letters from kids about how he’s influenced their lives or their work and blah blah blah. That’s not what we wanted. All of a sudden Salinger’s name became synonymous with spotty college essays and crappy hipster poetry. You wouldn’t believe the samples I’ve been sent, even if I showed you,” said Salinger’s lawyer and long time confidant David Tisch
“It was brutal. Jay writes a story about a lonely, disturbed kid and all of a sudden every punk with mommy issues is knocking on my door.”
Salinger’s estate has also reportedly refused any and all possibility that the author’s work will inspire other American youth, removing all intrinsic value to future generations and aspiring writers and journalists.
“We feel strongly about our decisions to keep Jay’s beautiful contributions in-house. He worked hard his entire life to be respected by his peers and revered by his contemporaries, but his lack of concern for those after his time is something I cannot understate,” continued Tisch
“If the youth of the today’s twitter-centric universe need to find someone to write their crappy high school English paper’s over, I hear Fitzgerald’s and Updike’s people are taking requests. Maybe after having to skim ‘This Side of Paradise’ half a dozen times to find a usable quote they’ll start appreciating solid literature again.”