James Chesterfield is a man of modest height with a pleasant demeanor. Unfortunately, for the past two and a half years, neither of those traits has led him to find employment. Things might soon be changing, though, as Chesterfield recently reported that his job interview at Hy-Vee “went well.”
“It’s not the greatest paying job, but I’m pretty desperate for any kind of paycheck,” stated Chesterfield. “My parents are getting really annoyed having me around. I mean, it’s been over two years since I graduated from UNL with a degree in English.”
Chesterfield stands as a victim of the times. Encouraged by President Obama to get a job, he borrowed money from his parents to get him through college. Now, he struggles to support himself, buoyed only by his family.
“Personally, I think he’s kind of a piece of shit,” commented Sara Reynolds, James’ ex-girlfriend. “He got an English degree and then proceeded to apply exclusively at grocery stores. Don’t get me wrong, the fact that he hasn’t been hired at all is kind of ridiculous, but why doesn’t he try and get a job anywhere else?”
James’ parents, Tom and Sandy, are also curious about their son’s life decisions. “We keep telling him to check out Husker Hire, or Craigslist, but he only applies at places that take paper applications,” Sandy said. “He’s kind of a weirdo.”
With no girlfriend or a job to keep him busy, James has turned his focus to tweeting at Husker football players on a daily basis.
“My favorite is Kenny Bell,” said James. “His afro is awesome. I wish I were black.”