A widely-publicised trip to North Korea by former Bulls star Dennis Rodman became far more than a friendly visit when Kim Jong Un, the current Supreme Leader, revealed to his citizens the fact that Kim, too, has long been a black basketball star.

“We are excited to welcome our brother and fellow NBA superstar Dennis to our African kingdom. As you have surely noticed, we look completely the same. Do not allow Western imperialist dogs to fool your eyes into thinking I am not Michael Jordan’s best friend.”

He continued, “My father, the great and powerful Kim Jong-Il, was also Michael Jordan’s best friend and a basketball star. Also, my grandfather was secretly Wilt Chamberlain, who taught those American fools a bastardized version of what has been our national sport for 600 years.

“How else do you think we have crushed them at every Olympics in history?”

Reactions from ordinary Koreans were mixed, ranging from “Does this mean we are all black?” to “Curse America, could I trade you a nuclear warhead for some rice?”

Rodman, standing beside the nation’s hermit dictator during the conference, seemed to be unconscious during most of the speech. Though he did surface momentarily at the word “Jordan,” the few media outlets present at the speech agreed Rodman had most likely ingested “a shit ton of coke or something.”