Bachelors have been known for some foul behavior behind closed doors. One local bachelor, however, went beyond last week’s eating of the leftover frozen pizza stored between two couch cushions. Tyler Johansson, a UNL graduate student, ran out of toilet paper on Monday and resorted to the cardboard toilet paper roll to clean his rear end.
Anus be damned, Johansson tore the roll of cardboard into four pieces and went to business. Why he had to tear it into four pieces before he wiped his buttocks, he couldn’t tell you.
“It just seemed like it was necessary,” Tyler said. “I thought it was gonna be a lot messier than it turned out to be.”
The grad student ended up having a phantom wipe on the first try, but he was determined to use all four strips of his cardboard roll.
“I’m kind of a neat freak like that,” Johansson said about the phantom wipe.
More than that, Johansson decided to flush the cardboard down the toilet as one would with toilet paper. The result of that was a flooded toilet, which he cleaned up by placing newspaper over the soiled water. Sources say the newspaper has since turned into maché. Johansson says it’s a “cool new texture” for his apartment bathroom.
Johansson refused to comment on the current state of his anus. Experts speculate that it is sore.