Local Drama Queen Over It

According to recent reports, Jenny Fishburn, a sophomore general studies major and self-described princess, is as of now, “over it.”

The “it” that Fishburn is referring to is an incident that occurred last weekend at an undisclosed fraternity party in which her ex-boyfriend, Chase Michaels, was observed making small talk with a group of individuals, some of whom were females.

“Ugh, like WTF was that all about?” Fishburn exclaimed upon recanting the event of that night. “I’m totes more presh than those hoes, so they just needed to GTFO.”

Upon spotting Michaels casually conversing with friends, Fishburn proceeded to confront the group, splashing her drink in Michaels’ face, screaming untranslatable acronyms and receding into the bathroom where she cried for roughly half an hour before exiting the party, renouncing her friendship with everyone she saw along the way.

“She does this at least once a week,” Michaels said.

After several days of silence, Fishburn took to Facebook in order to clear the air on her actions.

“It’s really pathetic how dumb bitches always try to get under my skin,” the status update reads. “But I’m totes over it and I’m gonna take the high road. I absolutely hate drama and all those skanks who try and start it, so whatevs. I’m done.”

Immediately following her status update, Fishburn tearfully confronted her roommate Elizabeth about not complimenting her new sundress, saying she feels “ugly and unwanted” when people don’t notice her.

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