Local Student Still Can’t Explain Why He’s Shirtless

Ever since eighth grade, Jason Taylor said he has felt comfortable removing his shirt in almost any public situation. Now a junior agricultural business major at UNL, Taylor’s bare-chestedness has begun to serve as a discomfort for many fellow students.

“He doesn’t even drink that often. It’s not like he’s tearing it off in celebration or because he wants to fight someone; he just stands there making people feel uneasy,” a friend of Taylor explained.

Several friends and loved ones have asked Taylor why he insists on remaining shirtless during the majority of their get-togethers. They said they’re worried that he may give the impression that he’s a complete douche, or worse, an insecure simpleton with a dark sexual past.

He often replies to their inquiries, even during unseasonably cold weather. “It’s so hot,” Taylor said.

Recent studies have shown that the unwarranted public solicitation of torsos makes acquiring new friends exponentially more difficult.

“No one ever says, ‘Hey, you should introduce me to that guy over there with his shirt off.’ Guys like Jason have to make their own way; mostly by wedging himself into conversations and keeping his hands close to his sides,” said Taylor’s best friend.

Taylor shows no signs of stopping his habitual shirtlessness, but hopefully his girlfriend can come up with some more excuses to use to cover for him at parties.