Man buried in debt just barely able to afford Brazzers gold membership

As a result of paying off massive debt from student loans as well as an abundant amount of borrowed cash from every close family member and friend, area man Connor McClung confirmed to sources early Wednesday morning that he is just barely able to scrape together enough spare change to renew his gold-level membership to the popular porn site Brazzers.

“I don’t think many people understand how difficult it is for us in the lower class to afford premium access to high quality pornography on such a low budget,” McClung said. “Especially when I’m trying to pay off all these student loans. There just isn’t enough money to go around to afford the essentials.”

Over the past few months, McClung has defaulted on multiple rent and student loan payments in order to set enough money aside to support his insatiable lust for professionally produced sex tapes, asserting that free online porn videos just “don’t get the job done.”

“Everyone always says ‘Just watch porn for free on the internet,’ as if it’s that easy,” he said. “They don’t understand because they’ve always been able to afford a Brazzers gold membership and they don’t know anything different. To them, an amateur housewife voyeur video is no different, but they just haven’t experienced it. It’s impossible to get off on that shit.”

Despite being unable to buy food, heating or gas money, McClung stands by his choice to spend his available cash on his Brazzers membership, repeatedly asking his parents to bail him out of his other monetary obligations.

“Of course I’m embarrassed to have my parents pay for all most of my living expenses, I’m a grown man for Christ’s sake,” he said. “But I can’t afford to pay rent, student loans and my Brazzers gold membership, so I have to pick the most essential. But I’m used to adversity, and once I get back on my feet I’m gonna pay everyone back by buying them all a Brazzers gold membership. I always pay my debts, rest assured.”