Local strongman Todd Svensen has maintained a constant peak physical state, besting even the strongest of homo sapiens with sheer strength and power. He used one simple method: taking everything that is burdensome, negative or problematic on planet Earth and carrying it around on his shoulders.
“It gets a little heavy sometimes, especially apathy,” Svensen quipped while doing squats with the tremendous, spherical ball of gelatin-like obsidian.
Svensen has been carrying a majority of society’s issues, including greed, unnecessary wars, and the absence of Robin Williams.
“These things weigh heavily on me. Literally,” he said in-between breaths. “I’m in the best shape of my life though. Last weekend I ran with the bulls in Spain and actually lapped them.”
The fortified fellow spoke about how carrying your problems with you “is the healthiest thing you can do,” and that it “can only better your life to constantly be weighed down.” The cathartic process has landed him some premiere gigs as of late, including hauling derailed trains by foot and catching fallen planes out of the sky.
“I’ve never seen someone with such determination, such brevity,” said local admirer Brooke Coriander. “Last week, I saw him take everyone’s sadness during a screening of Marley & Me and start doing arm curls with it. That takes some serious gusto, man.”
Svensen has been relentless in the pursuit of pushing human limitations as of late. Yesterday, the titan could be seen taking all of mankind’s guilt and using it to bench press, causing other gym members to become envious. This, in turn, only strengthened his resolve.
“No worries, I’m just warming up,” he added.