City officials are still awash with uncertainty after an incident that sent shockwaves throughout Lincoln on Thursday.
What started out as a seemingly innocuous press conference quickly turned into a baffling spectacle after it was revealed that Mayor Chris Beutler had actually been a yellowfin tuna posing as a politician all this time.
The mayhem began when one reporter noticed a set of gills protruding from the side of the mayor’s neck.
“Mr. Mayor, I was curious as to what that is on your neck there…”
Beutler shot a few nervous glances around the room before falling to the floor and flopping around the conference room. “This is truly who I am!” the former mayor said in a hilariously-deep voice before mouthing silently and staring forward with an expressionless look on his now-fish face. His suit molted to reveal a set of silver and goldenrod scales with fins where his arms and legs had seemingly been.
“Holy mackerel!” a young woman shouted before fainting. Beutler stopped his floundering for a brief moment, looked at her with large, glossy saucers for eyes and said, “Mackerel? Clearly, lady, I’m a tuna,” before proceeding to flop off of the platform and into the panicked crowd.
“I always knew there was something fishy about him,” said former political rival Dale Starkist as he looked on. “I thought to myself, ‘why is this man pushing anti-shark legislation so vehemently?’ Well, ladies and gentlemen, you have your answer.”
Fortunately, one reporter happened to bring a fishing pole and promptly reeled in what used to be Beutler.
With the help of a cooler and relatively quick transportation, a crew of conference-goers managed to release him into the koi ponds at the Sunken Gardens. He has yet to return to politics and has resided in their 3-foot depths ever since.